I’m trying to quit smoking. I’m a little on edge. And here we go.
I’m not all that impressed with the male population where I live. Everyone is either married, divorced, has a kid somewhere, in a serious relationship that they are clearly not serious about or is simply socially retarded. Dude.
Dear Married Men,
What kind of trash do you think I am? Not only is it utterly revolting to be hitting on me when you have vowed your faithfulness and love to someone else, but just classless. Be a man.
Dear Divorced Men,
After only talking to me, your ex wife has now Facebook stalked me and figured out my entire life story, proceeded to message me all to explain your divorce with the process, and why I should leave you alone. Are you shitting me? I haven’t even shown any interest and look what’s happened. Get that woman in check or you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. Go for someone who is also divorced and wont scare easily. Because bitch be crazy and I don-wan-nuna-dat!
Dear Men Sprinkling Children From Sea to Shining Sea,
I refuse to be another brick in that stretch marked, welfared, angry little wall of yours. I’m sure your kids are adorable… but please refer to “Dear Divorced Man” and insert “Baby Mama” in appropriate places. Then insert my foot in appropriate places as well. Peace and Love.
Dear Men in a “Serious” Relationship,
Really trying to show reasonable respect to the situation, however that’ll get old quick. I have never cheated. Not once. Nor helped anyone cheat because I take my “Boyfriend Code of Conduct” way too seriously. The second I feel myself slip away from a relationship I either (a) catch myself and get it back on track or (b) realize there’s a lot more of life and love that I’d like to experience. Because life really is all that short. You’ve been good. No kids, seemingly drama-free, but common, man! I’m trying to feel like a special situation. Be direct. Be very direct.
Dear Social Retard,
Why are you even trying to talk to me? Wow.
Love, Christi the Moose.