My mother actually asked me to teach my sister how to lie better. No I’m not kidding. Let me explain.
My mother shared with me that a few days ago my 12 year old sister, Emily was grounded from her phone and computer and anything else that “turns on.” I wont share why she got grounded, which is probably the funniest part of this story, so for the benefit of my sister’s self esteem you’ll have to just trust me.
Yesterday Mom got home and sat down with my little brother, Greg to work on homework, visit, etc, when she heard my Step Monster yell “Why the hell is Greg’s computer in your room?” Greg did a beautiful job trying to cover for Emily, saying she was creating a Facebook profile for him. After confiscation of Greg’s computer from Emily’s clutches, Mom explained what would happen if anything new was posted from that day by Emily on Facebook. According to Mom, Emily turned green.
Sunday afternoon Emily posted this… and pay attention to the comment times….
Idiot. She had an open conversation with me, yesterday… when she was grounded. Never leave a paper trail! How many times must I tell you this, Emily?!
So, Em, since you’re boring our mother, here are a few tips.
- Right before you’re about to do something you’re going to have to lie about later on, think about your story. How exactly will that story easily flow from the time you started to the ending time? If you can’t come up with something, don’t do it or get grounded.
- Does your story make sense? “I was with Chuck!” “Who’s Chuck?” “My friend.” “Sounds like a boy’s name, were you alone with a boy?” “No Chuck’s a girl” “What’s Chucks last name?” “Billy.” “You know a girl named Chuck Billy? … where were you two?” “We were..” “You’re lying, you’re grounded.” See where I’m going with this. Not only did Chuck Billy not make any sense, but the story was totally unoriginal, unnatural, and unbelievable.” Real Example: “Where were you?” “I was with Hannah working on our Science Fair Project. We’re doing a Bacteria study that Ms. Miller is letting us use her lab for. You can call Ms. Miller if you want, Hannah’s dad gave me a ride home.” “No need I believe you.” ….. I was totally with Justin.
- Are you making eye contact? Ringing your hands? Holding completely still as if scared to make a sudden movement in the event it may alarm Mom and she’d bare teeth and claw, LUNGING at you as if feeding on a grazing fawn in a meadow with… well you get the idea. These are signs of lying. Eye contact, relaxed, quick in response yet not too quick or she’ll think something’s up. Keep it natural.
Well baby sister, I hope that helped a little. Please keep the old lady at least a little entertained, because you’re embarrassing us. I love you.